September 11,1930-August 8, 2009

So. I've had a fair number of important life events occur in the past two and a half weeks since I last wrote.

I got an apartment, and my lease beings September first. I like the place a lot, and it's super metro-friendly. Great access to restaurants and important shops like the one and only Target in DC and a grocery store. Most important, Sir is welcome to accompany me. And his rent is cheap.

Bales got a temporary position in broadcast, putting us in a similar position and allowing us both to feel much more comfortable about the big move.

In other, less exciting news, I've now officially attended a funeral. My grandmother, Mary Jane--or Honey--died on Saturday morning. Kate wrote about it here.

I guess I don't know how to feel. I never felt like she loved me. I know that's a terrible thing to say about a grandmother, but I just felt like she found me to be, I don't know, a pain. She introdcued me to her friends at her 50th wedding anniversary as follows: "This is my grand-daughter, Chris. She's not as nice as she could be."

It was awkward at the funeral and the wake (complete with quite a liquor selection, at her request), hearing her friends talk about how much she was loved, and to feel like I never knew that woman at all.

Sure, I have good memories of the Joseph Beth trips with all the grandkids (I have all kinds of memories--and photos--of all the grandkids together, but can't think of when we would have all been together, but all the same). We all got to pick out a book and she would take us to the cafe and oh! the cheesecake!

But I also can't explain the pain that it causes me to hear my mother say, in response to the question "how are you?" after her mother died, "I don't know. I guess I sort of feel like I've been mourning not having a mother my whole life." And then, breaking into tears, "Am I a bad mom? Do you guys hate me? Will you guys come visit me, and not resent me for wanting that?" The fact that my mother fears that--again, I can't explain how much it hurts to know the pain that her mother caused her. (She's an excellent mother, by the way, and I won't resent having to visit her.)

And also, on the way to Jacksonville 3 summers ago, my father and I played this car game where you ask "Five Things" questions, such as "What are your 5 biggest regrets?," or "What are your five favorite memories?" In response to the question "What 5 things are you proudest of?" my father answered, among 4 other things, "Teaching your mother that she didn't have to listen to her mother, how to deal with her, how to be okay with that relationship."

On the other hand though, I cried deeply. I miss her. She was funny. She had the hardest head of anyone, and--er--I may or may not have inherited that. People loved her, and she was, at times, fun to be around. She caused a lot of pain, yes, but she also was my grandmother, and I loved her. I wish I had been able to laugh with her, to feel the things that her friends said to me when they shook my hand. Or to understand what exactly Jane meant when she said, "She loved you. Those are the things that never go away." Or to know what happens when she is Mary Jane, and not Honey, the name we used as her family.

I don't know, as I said, I'm just not sure how to feel. I told mom that it ended up being harder than I would have thought, and she said, "Of course it is, for you. You're a sap."

Stolen from Kate's blog, Honey's wedding photo, fifty-five years ago the day before my sister's wedding:

(As a side note, she hates the dress. I love it, except that I learned recently it was green, and she referred to it as "the practical choice.")

(As another side note, mom insists that the sap comment was not ill-intentioned, and she loves me, and wants me to inform the blogosphere that she's the best mom ever.)

So my sister is married. That's so weird. It was a lovely, lovely wedding, and everyone cried (even me, possibly especially me, though Kate was also a disaster. An adorable disaster, but all the same. Tears of joy! Holler!)

Even better, Thomas cried, which I have always said is very important in a wedding.

I am going to DC tonight to see Jon and also for some "informational interviews." I hope they go well, I'm getting so frustrated by my lack of employment. I feel like I'm grasping at air. Someday soon. Someday soon.


Plinky Prompt from May 12, 2009:
What do you have to have with you when you travel?
Specifically, share things the hotel isn't likely to have a replacement for.

I love little shampoo bottles that hotels have. I know that's not an answer to the question at all, but I thought it might be worth mentioning. I always take them. Always. The conditioner usually leaves much to be desired, because I'm really picky about my conditioner, but the shampoo always smells nice.

As for what I need to bring: I'm a terrible packer. I inherited this unfortunate trait from my mother. I pack really heavily, but I forget essentials. I always tell the story of the time my mother drove us to Savannah, GA (possibly my favorite place on earth). She liked to pack meals to save money and because she and Kate were vegetarian and didn't eat seafood (mom still is, Kate not so much). As she was unpacking, she realized she had brough 4 bottles of Italian salad dressing. Four. Bottles.

Then we were all, "let's go to the beach!" and mom went to change and comes out still in jeans and says, "I forgot to pack shorts!"

...Yeah, that's unfortunate, and I'm constantly doing the similar. Did I bring my toothbrush? Unlikely. Shoes? God, no. Never! But you can count on me to bring 100 pairs of underpants. And socks, even if I'm not even packing shoes that require them. You know, just in case?

Once again I dodged the question. Mr. Bear, maybe? I don't really travel with him often, but I do miss him when he's gone. Sigh. A lot of denim. I love my jeans. I lost a pair in the Atlanta Hilton over Spring Break. I'm still upset about it. I've "replaced" them, but my life will never be the same. Girls understand what it's like to have favorite jeans die. DIE. Ugh.

I'm still in class and have half an hour left. Another Plinky prompt?

May 9, 2009:
Do you prefer writing on paper or a keyboard?

Absolutely, 100%, on paper. I like my chicken scratches dominating the page, blue pen all over the place. I think it's far, far more personal. I feel a deep connection to the process of writing on paper. It makes me feel good, allows me to deal with a lot of emotional issues, I don't know. I just really like the personality. I think a lot of that is lost on a computer screen. Sorry, Blogger.

Technology Tells You What I'm Doing

I am in class and decided to be terrible. I already Twittered, why not lengthen the process?

I leave for Kate's wedding in about an hour and a half. I'm totally unready for the fact that my sister is going to be married. I'm excited, but also really very nervous. My shoes are very uncomfortable, and I'd like to not be the star of embarrasing family dinner conversations for years to come. You know, about how I fell on my face in front of the entire family. Also, my toast might be kind of awful, but I guess we shall see. I measure sucess based on how much my daddy cries.

I just looked up and realized I have no idea what's going on in this class and I'm pretty sure the Professor can tell. And if he can't, he will when he starts asking me questions about what I wrote for class last time.

Travels

Once again, I apologize. I feel like I start most blog entries with that. Regardless, a lot has happened and things are going well.

I LOVE my internship, which is really nice, because most of what I'm doing is the same as the entry-level position for what I want to do long term. So, points toward a happy future. I am also getting more into applying for nearly everything that interests me at least a little.

The book is coming along, a little. I transcribed all the interviews and have begun reading them over, highlighting, making notes, and whatnot. So I'm at least that far. And a lot of people are really excited about it, which is helpful.

Spring break was lots of fun--last I posted I was in ATL with the younger sibs and daddy, but after that I went to Chicago with Kate and her friends to celebrate the death of "Anne." (She's dropping the middle name and moving our last name toward the center). Lots of alcohol, a few drag queens, and a ton of tapas. Perfect.

I went to D.C. this past weekend for the long-awaited Jon visit. It went really well, and I guess the technical term for what is happening is called "talking." Which is... fabulous, actually. I'm just kind of upset because my family(that's you, readers) are not that up on it.

Like, Kate's response was "I don't know, Chris, I just feel like...you deserve someone that would never NOT be interested." Which is really very sweet, and I appreciate that, and all that jazz, but then dad's response was, "don't do anything with anyone for the reason that you just don't want to be alone. Be with someone because you're ok with being alone, but would rather be with him." Again, very nice, but, you know, maybe you all should be excited? He's really a good guy and you're freaking me out.

Regardless, I did get to see Stephanie, my m-effing hero, which was so nice and just... I just really love her. A lot. And her response to Kate was, "i understand her point. As long as he knows he has already used his second chance. Which means if he fucks up, I'll kill him in his sleep." I guess that was more the response I was looking for?

I promise I'm not dead

It's been far too long...I'm usually pretty good about updating about every other day, but mom's computer suuuuuucks. It does this really awesome trick where it takes about a minute for anything you type to show up on the screen, so editing is not only frustrating, but at times impossible. So, that's a really cool trick. Also, I don't get cell service at home, so I have virtually no communication with the outside world out there.

Break was kind of a let down, mostly because I worked too much and was too exhausted to really enjoy myself. I didn't even get to buy jeans at the Gap Outlet, which is one of my favorite stores. Sigh.

Christmas Eve was nice (except my work shift that day). Kerrie and Sarah have adorable babies, and it's nice to get to see them then send them off. It's insane how many people I work with that had kids as teenagers (including one girl who was 14 when she conceived and 15 when her son was born. She's 16 now...woah). I cannot even begin to imagine what it must be like to have a child at this point in my life. There's one girl there that is my age that is married with child. That totally freaks me out.

Then on Christmas Day, as per tradition, Kate, Thomas, and I went to Louisville to see the grandma and dad's fam. I had a great time, and also as per tradition, we finished our puzzle late at night on the last night. It was nice to see dad and see that he really is doing well. I mean, I believed him, kind of, over the phone, but I am more frustrated than he seemed on the phone. Stupid Dooce.

Now I am even more excited about Eric's Bar Mitzvah. I even bought a dress to wear, which is incredibly fabulous. I was going to pay full price for it, then I saw a sign that I had somehow missed saying "40% off all dresses!!!!" Super exciting. Also, kudos to WhiteHouse/BlackMarket for exceptional customer service. They let me and Kate into the store after they were closed. We just figured that it was extended holiday hours, but we asked, and they go, "Yeah, we're closed, but what were you looking for?" amazing. Even more amazing is the dress itself.



I spent New Year's Eve in Burlington with Kerrie. It was a good time, but I tend to hate high-pressure drinking nights where I feel like the first and only option is to be wasted. It was also interesting because I didn't realize how much tension there is between Kerrie and Sarah. That is to say, a lot.

Sarah bought mom and Tim a 42" plasma screen TV. It was bit awkward for the rest of us, to say the least. I didn't really know how to react, and it was clear that mom didn't either, despite the fact that she later said she "really didn't think it bothered Kerrie that much..."

Kerrie and Greg brought it up at the party, and they were, in fact, really upset by it (shock!). Sarah married into money and all the sudden changed, apparently. I didn't really know herbefore she was dating Steve, so I can't comment on that, but it really was rude. I don't know, I guess if it were me I would have gone about giving someone a gift that large and showy in a different way.

Anyway, yesterday I drove to Ann Arbor to hang out with Kate and Thomas. It's been nice, and hey! Internet AND cell phone! Today we went shopping and I got two cute tops (one of which Kate also got, to maximize twininess!) and a sweater. All in all, very sucessful. For some reason, "after Christmas sales" means "sales for the rest of time, woah our numbers were low in '08!" Whatever, Chris is profiting!

In other news, I think I'm going to write a book. I'm working on a query letter and trying to find time to leave Columbus this quarter to write sample chapters. This may aid my job search. And by that I mean, I can see myself working more on my sample chapters than my resume. That's not a good idea.

Also, I don't know where to begin on the actual job hunt, where I have a clear plan for my book. How does one start applying for jobs? I hear that job search sites like Monster and whatnot are not effective, so how am I supposed to know who is hiring? I don't have the types of connections that other people have, and so... what now? Maybe I should just go to law school. Ha.

Postmodernism, Voter Pledges, and Hot Apple Cider

Today I did an extraordinary amount of nothing. Postmodernist authors, apparently, would call that "productivity," which is to be contrasted with very little amounts of nothing, which they might call "laziness."

...This is my way of reaching out. My English class makes me want to kill myself. I guess I'm too much a modernist to enjoy this course at all. I mean, in Gatsby, the God-forsaken green light meant something. I like that. I like trying to figure out where all the pieces fit and why everything was written just so, as opposed to some alternate way, and why the character's name is what it is, because the author couldn't possibly have just named him George to name him George, it all means something!

(Yes, I realize I just made fun of my entire life philosophy and everything I as an English major stand for in writing that. I also realize that my life is a joke, which I think is the one thing that makes me marketable in the real world.)

Aside from reading nonsensical rants by authors considered geniuses by the literarily "enlightened," I am dedicating way too much time to OSU Votes. Today I stood outside for two hours asking people to sign pledges saying that they will vote. I obtained a total of 17 pledges. This, sadly, was more than the other two girls with whom I was standing outside in the cold weather, sans gloves. Yay Ohio, it's supposed to be 60+ on Friday.

But seriously, 17 pledges in 2 hours? If I didn't know these OSU Votes people, and I wasn't being harassed with phone calls on the regular, I would tell myself this is entirely ridiculous.

Fun facts: people that sign pledges to vote are 10% more likely to do so. If a person they know contacts them about voting, they are 15% more likely to vote.*

After learning that exciting bit of information, I went home and very nearly just went to bed. This is more exhausting than reading Italo Calvino's If on a winter's night a traveler, which, I kid you not, starts with the sentence "You are about to begin reading Italo Calvino's new novel, If on a winter's night a traveler." I couldn't make this shit up. Fucking meta-fiction.

(The back says Italo Calvino "...shows that the novel is capable of endless mutations." Is that even desirable?)

So this is why my life is what it is. Plus the heat isn't on in the house yet, because we have boiler system and we have to have some guy who knows about boiler systems come out and turn the boiler system on. The other fun thing about the boiler system is that once a boiler system is turned on, the heat is on. Forever. Well, until you pay that same some guy who knows about boiler systems to come out again and turn the boiler system back off. So... since the appointment for the some guy to come turn our boiler system on is set for tomorrow, when it is 60+ on Friday, our lovely and wonderful boiler system will still be running, heating our lovely and wonderful house.

Regardless, it's cold now and I'm typing this in gloves, which leads to about 8,000 typos a minute, thus increasing my typing time (along with decreasing the likelihood that I will ever read Italo Calvino's If on a winter's night a traveler). I'm also fighting drafty windows and a lack of heat by drinking an average of one Hot Apple Cider a day, depleting my funds but making me very happy. When I say "an average of," what I actually mean is "at least." It's not a cheap addiction, but at least it doesn't cause any (known) long-term effects.

On a side note, we have a Field Consultant from Tri Delta's executive office coming this weekend. That's right folks, we're going to be judged on a whole host of criterion, including but not limited to hospitality and sisterhood, on one of the biggest drinking weekends of the year. Couldn't she have come for Michigan weekend? (Totally kidding, I think.) At least by then the heat will be on (or at least I hope so; otherwise I'm moving out).

We also have a girl in from the University of Alabama staying at our chapter house while she volunteers for John McCain. Yeeeeeesh. You're staying in a house full of women while you volunteer for a man that voted against the Ledbetter Fair Pay Act?

At least she's a nice girl. At Alabama, they have TG's twice a week(!). We asked, "every week?" and she goes, "well, sometimes we don't have one on Tuesday, but for sure every Thursday." These people also go to school. Not that I personally don't drink twice a week, but TG's twice a week? Are these girls passing their classes?

*This is the kind of thing they say to me to guilt me into freezing my ass off for a total of 17 pledges. When I asked one girl if she had voted yet, and she said "no, but I'm going to," I asked her to sign the pledge and she asked, "Why?!" God damn it.

P.S. Kate--because of the frequency of TG's at Alabama, they have sweet themes, like 00Delta, where they dressed like Bond and Bond girls, and War and Peace, where they dressed like Army Guys and nurses. Just makes you wish you were a Tri-D at 'Bama, doesn't it? Go ahead and put on your radical feminist hat and tell me about how you won't pierce your baby's ears, I'm ready for it.

For those of you that have never met Kate, she once described herself in an email as "your feminazi bonerkiller sister." (G-search that one, Kate, I think you'll be proud of yourself.)