Last Day in Town

So, I went to the mall today. And I got my hair done, and I was rushing out to go to The Little Place, which is this little greasy spoon in Burlington that I love and needed to visit before moving. It closes at 3, which I don't really understand, but I refuse to complain because I love it so. So anyway, it's 2:15 and I'm telling myself if I can get there by 2:30, that's not too terribly rude, and I can eat quickly and be out by 3.

Well, so, I'm like speed walking through Florence Mall, and this lady at a kiosk accosts me, as they are wont to do, and I'm pretty effective at blowing her off. Then she goes, loudly, in a thick accent I can't place, "CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?" And damn my natural instincts, because I hesitated. Briefly, but still. These women are paid (how much?) to seize the hesitation and ATTACK.

And attack she did. In retrospect, I'm glad, because this is the conversation that transpired.

Woman: ARE THOSE YOUR REAL NAILS?

Me: Yes? (WTF? Is she going to compliment me? They ARE getting longer, and relatively evenly, if I do say so myself... I still haven't picked up on the sales pitch. What can I say, I'm exhausted and stressed.)

Woman: Ooooh.

She grabs my hand and picks up a 4 sided buffer.

DEAD SEA NAIL BUFFER, SO GOOD!

She begins buffing, calling out each of the sides as she uses them.

RED SIDE! Removes the yellow!

BLUE SIDE! Increases bloodflow to your nailbed! (Does the first one not do that equally as much, because of the movement? Is there some magic Dead Sea shit in there I don't understand?)

WHITE SIDE! SOFT AS SILK!

Then she rubs the white side on my hand to demonstrate that it is, in fact, as soft as silk. (I'll give it to her AND the Dead Sea people, it was.) Then she moves to my nail, saying, as she's doing this:

THE MINERALS FROM THE DEAD SEA WILL BRING OUT YOUR NATURAL OILS IN YOUR NAILS! PREPARE TO BE AMAZED! SAY HELLO TO YOUR NEW NAILS!

Me: ...

Woman: SAY HELLO!! (Refuses to stop buffing until I say it.)

Me: Hello?

She stops rubbing and moves the buffer.

Woman: LOOK! AMAZING! THAT WILL LOOK THAT WAY FOR TWO WEEKS, NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU WASH YOUR HANDS!

(I said hello to my nail today. I may just curl up and die.)

But the thing is, I swear to God, it's amazing. I keep touching that one nail. It's been hours, even. I called the kiosk to ask how much it was.

Totally unfortunately, it only comes in this kit thing, and:

Me: So how much is that kit?

Woman: TODAY? FIFTY-NINE DOLLARS!

...In other news, I move tomorrow.