November 23, 2008

Maybe Cosmo was right, accidentally

I went to Smith Hall on Mirror Lake Night to witness some of the chaos, and ran into Alex's little sister on the elevator. It was really hard seeing her, mostly because I thought for a very long time I would become a part of her family. I wanted that.

I have come to the realization that I can't be friends with him, not because I can't be friends with my ex-boyfriend (sorry dad, I just refuse to accept that answer), but because he is a terrible friend.

I sent him an email asking how his GRE went and how the fam is, and how life in general is going, and he sent back an incredibly awkward email. He doesn't call; I only ever see him or talk to him if I contact him first...It's exhausting. I just sort of feel like, you know, if you don't care enough to call me, what happens when I don't make the effort? What happens if I neglect to call you? Are we still friends, even if I haven't talked you in months? Would you let it get to that point?

Patrick thinks I just don't understand how Alex functions in friendship. It's not that I'm comparing our friendship to our relationship, it's that I'm comparing our friendship to my needs in a friendship. I need to feel like I'm not the only one that cares about the friendship at all.

The thing about it is, why am I maintaining this friendship anyway? I feel like he needs it more than I do, and yet...he just lets it go. For weeks. I'm not sure if that's a terrible thing to say, but seriously, in the city of Columbus alone, I live in a house with 40 girls, about half of whom call me on a regular basis, about 2/3 of whom know Alex well enough to know how devastated I am about the whole thing, and he has...Joe. So am I being condescending when I say he needs the friendship more than I do? Maybe. But maybe I should stop worrying about it anyway and just get some sleep.

I just don't like that my only other option with him is to cut him out of my life completely. Can't there be another answer? Like, you know, him calling me?


Kate said...

I'm interested in what you mean by "awkward" when you say he sent you an awkward email. Because, on the one hand, stuff between you will be awkward by definition. You used to date, and now you don't. That's awkward. Plus, I can't 100% fault him for keeping you at arms length to some extent because you guys did break up and then get back together once: if he doesn't want to get back together again, an easy way to keep that from happening is just to not be in touch with you.

Now, if you both are committed to building a friendship, that's a different story. Sure, him calling you COULD be an option, but it obviously isn't. People who aren't willing to make time for you aren't worth your time. This ends today's Hard-Learned Life Lessons with your big sister. Cue "The More You Know" music.

Patrick said...

what does this have to do with Cosmo?